How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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