Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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