omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
