I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How's work?
Spinning.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
