I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
