I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
