I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need to align my fucking chakras
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
