Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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