since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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