I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
