We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
