Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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