Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
