I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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