Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
