Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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