He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
someone get that fucking seahorse.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
