I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
