How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
