UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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