WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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