my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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