his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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