i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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