Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
