I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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