Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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