Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
