Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
