I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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