She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
