I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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