I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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