I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We left the knife in your bed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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