So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
