Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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