Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
