actually, I'm a sock model
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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