is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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