do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
