Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
