its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
