3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
