You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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