it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
