Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
