I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
