What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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