You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
