I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
