No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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I can dry shave vagina like a champ
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize