just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
