PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
