the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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