just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
