a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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