Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
