My first STD was from a foam party
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
