I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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