We're like a lot better than the average bears
She is in my trunk
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
