will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
