I just pynch a tree in the face
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Randomize
