I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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