Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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